21 April 2009 - Exactly 80 days

Assalamualaikum to my muslim sisters and brothers, and greetings to my non muslim friends. Thousand apologies for the long delay. I have been busy for the last one month. Well to be more exact, I have been trying to make myself busy, busy, busy. For one particular reason....Hafizuddin.

A day before he left me, 30th January 2009, I was launching my NGO project, PAPA (Projek Anak Angkat Palestine) at De Palma in Ampang. It is part of my work as a fellow with Yayasan Wanita Islam (YATI). Alhamdulilah the project has been launced successfully and is an on-going project. I have been busy promoting the project via the media and the latest was thru Radio IKIM last week. When I told Hafizuddin about the project he was very happy and thinking that I will be bringing the children over to our home. Unfortunately it is not possible to do so, anywhere I personally felt that they are happy fighthing for their rights in Palestine.

End of March, I was fortunate enongh to attend a very special program ESQ - Emotional Spritual Equatient. I will write more about this program soon enough. Today is dedicated specially for Hafizuddin. 21st April 2009 - 80 days since Hafizuddin has left us.

This is Hafiz at the age 17 months after his 2nd operation (2004). For the first time he was able to walk around. Alhamdulilah. syukur ke hadrat Illahi. Mama rindu sangat pada Hafizuddin.

HAFIZ'S GRADUATION DAY

November 2007, I was away performing haj and I missed my eldest daughter's graduation day. She is now pursuing her degree and should be graduating sometime this year. May Allah bless me with good health and will be around to attend her graduation.

Alhamdulilah, November 2008 was Hafizudddin's graduation day. Nothing but beautiful memories of him and his friends performing during the auspicious day. I never thought that it will be his one and only graduation ceremony. I will always cheerish those moments, and happy to share some of his photos. I love you Hafiz.


After the ceremony, before they part to start their formal schooling as Year 1 student in 2009, Hafiz with Zamil (yellow baju melayu) and Mamal, his two best friend.


They proud father and mother. Our son after the graduation ceremony.

Teacher Ida has been teaching Hafiz for 3 years. He started school at Al-Ikhlas Cambridge, Section 3, Shah Alam at the age of 4. She has left the school but came for the graduation day. Thank you very much Ida, for the attention and love you have given to Hafiz. I am glad you manage to meet up with him during your visit to our house. Shukran Jazilan.

It must be tiring for him, Hafizuddin taking a break back stage.

A proud graduate......Hafizuddin completed his pre-school education.

Ain't he cute...making sure his photo is taken ...

The soon to be graduates...anxious waiting for their turn....

Hafizuddin walking up the stage...the graduation walk..

Preparing for the big moment....making sure everything is perfect.

It was a pleasant surprise. Hafizuddin performing a zapin dance with his class mates, to a song by Datuk Siti Norhaliza, Nirmala. I could not describe my feelings at that time, happy and proud of him. Despite his ailment, he still practice daily and perform perfectly during the ceremony.

Let me share with you the preparation for this performance. He came back one day from school requesting for a black pants, black shoe and plain white shirt. Plain....as in plain, (tak nak sepenyot gambar pun)...that was his exact words. Sepenyot means not even a dot of design on the white shirt. Same goes for the shoe and pants. We actually went to various shopping complexes hunting for the outfit...to fulfill his requirement of PLAIN WHITE SHIRT and on the actual day, he was wearing a vest....

Beautiful young children, naive and sincere. What their teachers told them, they will follow exactly as instructed. I have had fantastic time with Hafizuddin during his pre school years. Never missed any of his performance, except when I was performing Haj in 2007. He loves going to school and enjoys playing and studying with his friends, Mamal, Zamil, Aiman, Naim, Qasim, Rania, Sophia and the rest of his class mates. To Teacher Ida,Teacher Yusra and all the teachers...thank you very much.

KENANGAN BERSAMA MU...HAFIZUDDIN

Alhamdulilah, hari ini mama ada kekuatan untuk terus bercerita tentang anak mama. Hafizuddin, hari ini mama ambil kesempatan untuk berkongsi pengalaman menunaikain umrah bersama Hafiz di tahun 2007. Kebetulan dalam Mingguan Wanita bil. 1320 untuk minggu 6-12 Mac ada cerita tentang Hafiz. Bahagia sungguh mama, dapat bersama-sama dengan Mak Long, Achik, Wan, Pak Anjang, Baba dan Hafiz menunaikan ibadah umrah. Gambar-gambar kenangan untuk dikongsi bersama;



Alhamdulilah, kita selamat tiba di KLIA, dalam train untuk ke terminal. Hafiz tak sabar sangat nak jumpa kakak-kakak dan bibik. Masa ini mama pulak yang sakit mata....dari dalam plane lagi, Hafiz dah pesan mama untuk pergi jumpa doktor. Hafiz kata mama macam pirate, sebab sebelah mata mama kena tutup dengan kapas.

Hafizuddin sedang tengok-tengok mainan yang hendak dibeli, ketika di Airport Dubai. Maafkan mama sayang, mama tidak dapat nak belikan apa2 untuk Hafiz masa itu.... Janji mama, nanti sampai di KL kita cari yang Hafiz suka.

Hafizuddin di Masjidil Haram, kalau tak silap mama, kita baru selesai solat Asar. Mama ingat lagi, masa Hafiz naik belakang mama, ketika mama tengah sujud. Panjanglah doa mama ketika sujud...bagi kesempatan untuk Hafiz turun dari belakang mama dulu. Selalunya Hafiz akan ikut mama masuk ke masjid, maklumlah baba kan baru sembuh dari sakit, bimbang dia tak dapat nak tengok Hafiz.

Terima kasih, Ustadz Badrulamin. Dialah yang menjunjung Hafiz naik dan turun semasa perjalanan kita ketika ke Gua Hira. Sebenarnya Ustadz bertindak sebagai mutawif rombongan kami. Di kesempatan ini saya ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kami sekeluarga kepada Ustadz yang telah mengimamkan solat jenazah dan menyempurnakan pengebumian anakanda kami. Hanya Allah yang dapat membalasnya.

Mama ingat sangat gambar ini. Kita sekeluarga baru selesai mengerjakan saie. Bila Hafiz nampak baba botakkan kepala, Hafiz pun nak juga, Tetapi Pak Arab ni tak berani nak cukur habis sebab Hafiz kecil lalgi...tapi Hafiz handsome juga kan sayang....

Ini pula kita dalam perjalanan pulang ke Mekah selepas kita keluar dari Tanah Haram untuk melawat tempat-tempat bersejarah dan berniat mengerjakan umrah. Hafiz pun nak juga pakai kain ihram, macam orang lain....

Syukur, Alhamdulilah. Kau kurniakan daku dengan seorang anak lelaki yang sangat comel dan baik budi pekertinya. Sepanjang menjaganya, tidak pernah sekalipun dia menyusahkan kami. Malah ketika mengerjakan umrah, Hafiz tidak meragam langsung. Kemana saja kami pergi dia ikut dengan riang. Hafiz juga murah rezekinya. Mama ingat setiap kali Hafiz tengok-tengok barang jualan di Mekah dan Madinah, insya Allah, apa yang Hafiz hendak akan diberikan secara percuma.

Inilah gambar yang paling mama sayang. Kita baru balik dari melawat Jabal Rahmah, dimana Hafiz dihadiahkan unta mainan tersebut oleh Ustadz Bardulamin. Seronok sangat Hafiz bersiap-siap untuk ikut mama dan baba mengerjakan ibadah umrah di Masjidil Haram.

Di Madinah kita melawat kebun dan pasar kurma. Hafiz sibuk ingatkan mama untuk belikan cokelat dan kurma untuk kakak2 dan kawan2 Hafiz.

Hafizuddin di dalam Masjid Nabawi. Syukur ke hadrat Illahi, Hafizuddin dapat masuk ke kawasan Makam Rasullulah, ketika mengikut baba. Kalau dengan mama, mungkin susah sikit, sebab waktu untuk wanita sangat terhad dan berpusu-pusu ramainya ....

Gambar dua lelaki penting dalam hidup mama. Hafiz dan baba di depan Masjid Nabawi.

Sayang mama pada Hafiz tak pernah hilang, biarpun Hafiz tidak lagi bersama mama dan family. Mama tahu Hafiz tentu bahagia di sana..Amin.

Mama melayan Hafiz di dalam kapal terbang. Rindunya mama....tak dapat nak peluk Hafiz lagi. Mama sabar menanti sehingga kita dipertemukan lagi...di alam yang kekal abadi.....

Anak mama yang seorang ini makan memang boleh tahan. Berselera Hafiz makan.

Sebelum bertolak, di KLIA. Mama janji pada anak-anak mama yang lain, Ayesha Aqilah, Ayesha Syahira, Ayesha Hanis dan Ayesha Nadilah....mama akan bawa anak-anak semua menunaikan umrah, itu pesan Hafiz pada mama, supaya kakak-kakaknya dapat kesempatan melalui nikmat yang pernah dilaluinya...

Begitulah Hafizuddin, sentiasa ingat pada orang lain. Kalau berjalan atau makan, ada saja nama yang disebut2, beli ini untuk kakak ini, kakak tu, kawan yang ini, jiran yang itu, nenek, atuk, acik, arif, awin dan ramai lagi. Kalau boleh semua orang dia nak belikan sesuatu.

Remembering Hafizuddin

It is exactly 1 month since you left us. We love you then, we love you now and we will always love you Hafizuddin. Mama has a collection of your photo with your big brother, Haziq. I am putting it up today, knowing how much you adore him.

WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.....

Asalamualaikum Hafiz. Hari ini mama pergi melawat kuburan Hafiz. Sayang, ingatkan kawan mama, aunty Fajar, semalam abang ipar dia meninggal, dan hari ini dikebumikan di Tanah Perkuburan yang sama. Mama singgah di kuburan Hafiz, sebelum mama berjumpa dengan mereka tadi. Rindu betul mama dengan Hafiz, sekarang pun air mata mama.....tak henti2 mengalir. Ya Allah, kuatkan lah hati ku, tetapkan lah iman ku dalam menempuhi dugaan Mu ini.

Maafkan mama sayang, bukan mama tak redha dengan pemergian Hafiz, bukan mama tak redha dengan ketentuan Illahi. Tapi yang pasti, kerinduan mama pada Hafiz semakin menebal...

Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Allah, terima lah taubat ku Ya Rahim, aku redha dengan ketentuan Mu Illahi, aku pasrah dengan qada dan qadar Mu. Aku bersyukur pada Mu, Ya Rahman, selama 6 tahun, 6 bulan dan 7 hari, aku dapat bersama anak ku, aku puas dapat memenuhi tuntutan Mu menyusukannya, aku bangga dapat menjalankan kewajipan ku sebagai ibu, ketika dia memerlukan aku, ketika dia sakit, ketika dia letih dan aku gembira dapat melepaskan Hafiz pulang kepada mu Ya Rabb,,,,,,Kau terimalah Hafiz dan tempatkan lah dia di Jannah Mu. Amin.

Hari-hari yang mama lalui tanpa Hafiz, memang sangat memilukan. Belum puas rasanya mama bersama Fifiz, banyak lagi yang mama ingin lakukan bersama-sama Hafiz. Walaupun sebulan sebelum Fifiz pergi, mama cuba untuk penuhi segala keinginan mu sayang.

Can you remember sayang, how we rush to Toy R us to buy toys, especially your favourite...Ben 10, Power Rangers and Transformers. I am still keeping all your toys sayang, too difficult for me to put it away...sometimes I still see you playing with your toys....

I can still remember, one of your favourite remarks to me...'Mama, ibu yang terhebat di dunia, Hafiz sayang mama infinity...." I swear to Allah, I sometimes hear your voice saying it slowly to me....Hafiz....I MISS YOU FIZ, I MISS YOU FIZ,......I REALLY MISS YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

Hafiz dear, if I have failed as a mother, if there is a moment in your life that I have failed to make you happy, if I have not been able to fulfill your wish, please forgive me...I might have overlooked certain things, but as a mother I have tried my very best to make the most of our time together. I LOVE YOU DEARLY...as much as I love the rest of the family.

Bye sayang...sehingga kita dipertemukan ...akhirnya.

Hafiz dalam kenangan

Syukur Alhamdulilah, finally I am able to continue my blog. Not so much of being busy but more on emotionally unstable. It is already 24 days since Hafizuddin was put to rest, but I am still missing him and the feeling is eating me up day by day. It is very difficult the explain the feeling, I guess only those who has gone through it will be able to understand....

Anyway, I would like to continue the list of friends who were there with us from the start.....Fezah, Norly, Along and Taro from my ITM days, En. Rosebi, Kak Ani, Haziq, Anil and fiancee. Aunty Noy and Uncle Dol sekeluarga, Aunty Bardot, Aunty Ani, Mak Gayah and Chah, Aunty Nab fm Keramat, Hanan and family (Hafiz and Mamal attended pre school together), Najwa and Sahlan, Azali and parents who came all the way from Ipoh, Teacher Ida (Hafiz's teacher during pre school) all the way from Kuantan. Teacher Yusra and friends from Al-Ikhlas Cambridge. Puan Noraizah and husband.

Neighbours, Ros sekeluarga, Sarina sekeluarga, Razif sekeluarga, Norazah sekeluarga, Kak Kiah and Abang Mat sekeluarga, Kak Zu, Soraya and Suffian, Kak Sabariah sekeluarga, Kak Shimah sekeluarga and Ishak and family next door. Kak Jem, Normah, Pak Ya, Ana dan En. Zaini and everybody from Seksyen 19, Shah Alam.

To friends of my daughters, Aqilah's friends from UiTM, Syahirah's friends, Mariam and the others from Shah Alam and PJ, Anis's friends...thank you.

To those who I have missed, please forgive me.... I am still not myself...some faces came to mind but I could not remember their names, some came to see me personally, some do not and I knew they are those who are still trying to gain the courage to call and talk to me. All of you have been wonderful and no words could express my gratititude....Semuga Allah membalas segala jasa baik dan doa kalian dengan limpahan rahmat dariNYA.

PERMATA -PERMATA HATI MAMA

Anak2 di Hari Raya 2008

Asalamuaikum Hafizuddin. Semuga Fifiz mama bahagia di sana. Hari ini mama bawa baba pergi check up kat IJN. Mama nampak ramai anak2 kecil yang sakit macam Hafiz. Teringat mama pada Hafiz dan hari-hari yang kita di Gleneagles untuk rawatan Fifiz. Alhamdulilah, mama bersyukur kepada Allah, kita diberikan rezeki dan kemudahan untuk mendapatkan rawatan dalam keadaan selesa, selama ini. Hafiz pun seronok kalau mama cakap kita akan berjumpa dengan Dr. Lim kan. Setiap kali ke sana, mama akan hadiahkan mainan untuk Hafiz kan sayang. Bahagia mama bila nampak Hafiz seronok dan ceria, lebih-lebih lagi kalau kita sempat makan di restoran, makan meehon goreng kesukaan Hafiz.

Hafiz memang anak yang baik, selama 6 tahun lebih, Hafiz tidak pernah menyusahkan mama. Suruh makan ubat sangat senang, walaupun terpaksa makan lebih dari 3 jenis ubat 3 kali sehari. Bila dan besar sikit, mama cuma perlu put the correct dosage into the syringe and you will take it yourself. I am so proud of you sayang.

Maaflah sayang, mama tak dapat nak tulis banyak hari ini...Tiba-tiba sebak sangat. MAMA SAYANG HAFIZ......DAN MUHAMAD. (Abg Hafiz yang mama tak dapat nak peluk pun, dia pergi meninggalkan mama, sebelum sempat mama lahirkan dia ke dunia ini.) Berbahagia lah kalain berdua di JANNAH.