One of those days...

Don't know what happen...am feeling down...maybe it is the haze...maybe not. Anyway the weather has not been that great for the past few days..and I myself have been travelling up and down...To be frank I am actually very very tired...exhausted....burnt down....

Should I take a break? Yes? No? CONFUSED...

My daughters need me and I need to be there for all of them. My parents need my loving care..., my brothers and sister need me to complete the group...do I need myself...

Subahanallah, apa yang I merapu ni...Ya Allah berikan daku kekuatan untuk menghadapi dugaan mu. Tetapkan daku di jalan Mu Ya Robb. Muga kami dihimpunkan bersama-sama saf Rasullulah s.a.w. Amin...

Masa jaga Arwah dulu..tak pernah rasa penat atau letih pun. Masih dapat mama rasakan memeluk Hafiz....Damailah kau di sana, anaku....

Salam untuk Semua

Asalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera untuk semua. Thousand apologies for the "silence" and the long break that I have to take. I guess it is nearly 2 months since my last posting and almost 6 months since Hafiz left me. I wanted to post something during his birthday, 24th June 2009 but not able to do so. Seems to be losing my strength during that day...and I waited until today.....

24th June 2002, I gave birth to Hafiz at SJMC. I can still remember watching TV while waiting for the gynae and counting the intervals of my labour pain. The Azan for Dzuhur prayer was on tv and I knew the time has come....and Alhamdulilah seconds after azan was over I could hear his first cry....

Subhanallah, my son (I lost my first son 1998) was born...the first grandson in the family....Syukur ke hadrat Illahi. Only Allah knows how happy we were at that time and still are thankful with the gift from Mighty Allah. We named him Mohamed Hafizuddin b. M. Hafifi. A beautiful baby...he will always be my baby....

His first step....after the 2nd heart operation.

My Baby.......

Everybody's baby.....

Hafiz, mama ucapkan selamat menyambut hari ulang tahun mu yang ke 7. Mama tahu Hafiz tentu sedang bergembira di sana. Walaupun Hafiz tiada bersama mama, mama tetap sayang dan rindu pada Hafiz. Mama ingat lagi setiap kali menjelang bulan Jun, Hafiz dah mula fikir2 untuk order cake yang macam mana dan hadiah apa yang Hafiz hendak. Sebulan dua tu kita semua sibuk sekali mencari2 hadiah yang sesuai untuk Hafiz. And your last birthday gift was a bicycle that you wanted so much....and we celebrated your 6th birthday last year, not knowing that this year you will not be around with us anymore....



Ampunkan daku Ya Robbana, Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, Maafkan tangisan2 ku Ya Allah. Bukan aku kesali kematian Hafiz, jauhkah sekali ku tangisi pemergiannya, tidak juga ku marah di duga begini...Aku cuma insan hina, yang kerdil, yang jahil dan tidak punya apa2 kecuali apa yang KAU berikan kepada ku. Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Mujib yang Maha Mengabulkan.

Izinkan aku untuk menyayangi anakku, izinkan aku merinduinya, izinkan mengingatinya...Kau yang Maha Mengetahui, Al Alim. Kasih sayang seorang ibu..tidak kan pernah hilang..Kau jugalah yang memasukan kasih sayang itu kedalam diriku Ya Allah.

Ya Allah, kau gantikanlah rindu dan kasih sayang ku kepada anak ku ini dengan rindu dan kasih sayang yang sepenuhnya kepada mu Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.....Amin.

BRUNEI TRIP

Recently, both me and hubby spent a few days in Brunei and Miri. We left KL on Thursday and came back on Monday, June 1st. 2009. Initially we plan to established contact with those who are interested to be our business partners. However, dengan kebesaran Allah swt. kami dipertemukan dengan sebuah keluarga yang diuji Allah dengan kelahiran anak yang mempunyai masalah serupa dengan Hafiz, anakanda kami.

Maha Besar dan Maha Agung, kebesaran Allah swt. Syukur ke hadratNya, blog yang saya mulakan untuk berkongsi pengalaman membesarkan Hafiz mendapat perhatian ramai. Terima kasih kepada yang mengikuti blog saya. Dari blog ini jugalah saya berkenalan dengan keluarga dari Brunei ini. Puan Zalinawati, anakanda Mohamad Adib. Widad dan Ahmad Qadry.

Ahmad Qadry is born with similar defects as Hafiz. We share lots of things together, from the day they we born, their developments, their eating habits and many more. Alhamdulilah, sharing does wonders to our grieving hearts. I am sharing some photos of our trip there with the family of Ahmad Qadry.


This is me with Puan Zalina, Ahmad Qadry, Widad ( the cute girl) and Mohamad Adib (Qadry's elder brother)

Mum, Puan Zalina and Ahmad Qadry,

Syukur Alhamdulilah, I manage to share the wonderful product, transfer factor with them. Many will not agree with me or will not believe me at all. To them, we are just trying to sell them a product which they do not need. Trust me, we need food supplement whether we like it or not, and it does'nt matter what brand or product you take, as long as you consume on a daily basis. Niat ikhlas hanya untuk berkongsi pengalaman menggunakannya, dan setakat ini belum ada yang dapat menyainginya.

To Zalina and family, kami doakan agar tabah menghadapi ujian Allah. Kita di beri kesempatan untuk membesarkan anak yang sangat istimewa. Jagalah dengan penuh keikhlasan dan kasih sayang. Doa kami agar Ahmad Qadry diberikan kesihatan yang baik dan sentiasa dalam lindungan Allah swt.. Take care and hope to see you soon.

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY - Anis

Asalamaulaikum and salam sejahtera to all my friends. Today is a very special day for our family. 9th June 2009, Ayesha Hanis bt. M. Hafifi turned 17. Alhamdulilah, syukur ke hadrat Allah swt. ibu diberi umur yang panjang dan kesihatan yang baik untuk dapat bersama-sama menyaksikan anak ibu membesar dan mencapai usia 17 tahun.

Anis, ibu doakan agar anakanda anis sentiasa diberkati Allah swt, dan mendapat hidayah serta rahmatNya agar menjadi anak solehah yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat. Hari ini juga ibu, menghantar Anis untuk mengikuti ESQ Teens di Maju Junction. Ibu harap Anis dapat banyak pengajaran dan pengalaman yang manis dan bermakna di dalam hidup Anis. Selama 17 tahun Anis bersama dengan ibu dan insya Allah selepas peperiksaan SPM nanti, Anis akan memulakan hidup baru sebagai mahasiswa atau pelajar IPTS/IPTA. Ibu harap apa yang Anis pelajari selama dua hari ini akan dapat membentuk jati diri Anis yang berpegang teguh kepada prinsip 165, 1 Allah, 6 Rukun Iman dan 5 Rukun Islam. Insya Allah, kalau kita dekat kepada Allah, Allah akan lebih dekat dengan kita dan tujuan hidup kita adalah untuk mendapat kasih sayang dan cinta Allah. Ibu berdoa agar kita akan dapat bersama-sama berjumpa di Jannah Allah. Insya Allah, Hafizuddin sudah menunggu kita sekeluarga di sana. Cukupkanlah amal ibadat untuk dapat mencapai Syurga Allah yang kekal abadi.

Untuk semua anak2 ibu, Aqilah, Syahira, Nadilah especially Anis. I love you all so much and will always love you. Take care and ingatlah kepada Allah swt, dan jadikan Rasullulah sebagai idola, Quran dan sunnah sebagai pedoman untuk hidup di dunia dan akhirat. Wasalam dan salam sayang dari ibu.

21 April 2009 - Exactly 80 days

Assalamualaikum to my muslim sisters and brothers, and greetings to my non muslim friends. Thousand apologies for the long delay. I have been busy for the last one month. Well to be more exact, I have been trying to make myself busy, busy, busy. For one particular reason....Hafizuddin.

A day before he left me, 30th January 2009, I was launching my NGO project, PAPA (Projek Anak Angkat Palestine) at De Palma in Ampang. It is part of my work as a fellow with Yayasan Wanita Islam (YATI). Alhamdulilah the project has been launced successfully and is an on-going project. I have been busy promoting the project via the media and the latest was thru Radio IKIM last week. When I told Hafizuddin about the project he was very happy and thinking that I will be bringing the children over to our home. Unfortunately it is not possible to do so, anywhere I personally felt that they are happy fighthing for their rights in Palestine.

End of March, I was fortunate enongh to attend a very special program ESQ - Emotional Spritual Equatient. I will write more about this program soon enough. Today is dedicated specially for Hafizuddin. 21st April 2009 - 80 days since Hafizuddin has left us.

This is Hafiz at the age 17 months after his 2nd operation (2004). For the first time he was able to walk around. Alhamdulilah. syukur ke hadrat Illahi. Mama rindu sangat pada Hafizuddin.

HAFIZ'S GRADUATION DAY

November 2007, I was away performing haj and I missed my eldest daughter's graduation day. She is now pursuing her degree and should be graduating sometime this year. May Allah bless me with good health and will be around to attend her graduation.

Alhamdulilah, November 2008 was Hafizudddin's graduation day. Nothing but beautiful memories of him and his friends performing during the auspicious day. I never thought that it will be his one and only graduation ceremony. I will always cheerish those moments, and happy to share some of his photos. I love you Hafiz.


After the ceremony, before they part to start their formal schooling as Year 1 student in 2009, Hafiz with Zamil (yellow baju melayu) and Mamal, his two best friend.


They proud father and mother. Our son after the graduation ceremony.

Teacher Ida has been teaching Hafiz for 3 years. He started school at Al-Ikhlas Cambridge, Section 3, Shah Alam at the age of 4. She has left the school but came for the graduation day. Thank you very much Ida, for the attention and love you have given to Hafiz. I am glad you manage to meet up with him during your visit to our house. Shukran Jazilan.

It must be tiring for him, Hafizuddin taking a break back stage.

A proud graduate......Hafizuddin completed his pre-school education.

Ain't he cute...making sure his photo is taken ...

The soon to be graduates...anxious waiting for their turn....

Hafizuddin walking up the stage...the graduation walk..

Preparing for the big moment....making sure everything is perfect.

It was a pleasant surprise. Hafizuddin performing a zapin dance with his class mates, to a song by Datuk Siti Norhaliza, Nirmala. I could not describe my feelings at that time, happy and proud of him. Despite his ailment, he still practice daily and perform perfectly during the ceremony.

Let me share with you the preparation for this performance. He came back one day from school requesting for a black pants, black shoe and plain white shirt. Plain....as in plain, (tak nak sepenyot gambar pun)...that was his exact words. Sepenyot means not even a dot of design on the white shirt. Same goes for the shoe and pants. We actually went to various shopping complexes hunting for the outfit...to fulfill his requirement of PLAIN WHITE SHIRT and on the actual day, he was wearing a vest....

Beautiful young children, naive and sincere. What their teachers told them, they will follow exactly as instructed. I have had fantastic time with Hafizuddin during his pre school years. Never missed any of his performance, except when I was performing Haj in 2007. He loves going to school and enjoys playing and studying with his friends, Mamal, Zamil, Aiman, Naim, Qasim, Rania, Sophia and the rest of his class mates. To Teacher Ida,Teacher Yusra and all the teachers...thank you very much.

KENANGAN BERSAMA MU...HAFIZUDDIN

Alhamdulilah, hari ini mama ada kekuatan untuk terus bercerita tentang anak mama. Hafizuddin, hari ini mama ambil kesempatan untuk berkongsi pengalaman menunaikain umrah bersama Hafiz di tahun 2007. Kebetulan dalam Mingguan Wanita bil. 1320 untuk minggu 6-12 Mac ada cerita tentang Hafiz. Bahagia sungguh mama, dapat bersama-sama dengan Mak Long, Achik, Wan, Pak Anjang, Baba dan Hafiz menunaikan ibadah umrah. Gambar-gambar kenangan untuk dikongsi bersama;



Alhamdulilah, kita selamat tiba di KLIA, dalam train untuk ke terminal. Hafiz tak sabar sangat nak jumpa kakak-kakak dan bibik. Masa ini mama pulak yang sakit mata....dari dalam plane lagi, Hafiz dah pesan mama untuk pergi jumpa doktor. Hafiz kata mama macam pirate, sebab sebelah mata mama kena tutup dengan kapas.

Hafizuddin sedang tengok-tengok mainan yang hendak dibeli, ketika di Airport Dubai. Maafkan mama sayang, mama tidak dapat nak belikan apa2 untuk Hafiz masa itu.... Janji mama, nanti sampai di KL kita cari yang Hafiz suka.

Hafizuddin di Masjidil Haram, kalau tak silap mama, kita baru selesai solat Asar. Mama ingat lagi, masa Hafiz naik belakang mama, ketika mama tengah sujud. Panjanglah doa mama ketika sujud...bagi kesempatan untuk Hafiz turun dari belakang mama dulu. Selalunya Hafiz akan ikut mama masuk ke masjid, maklumlah baba kan baru sembuh dari sakit, bimbang dia tak dapat nak tengok Hafiz.

Terima kasih, Ustadz Badrulamin. Dialah yang menjunjung Hafiz naik dan turun semasa perjalanan kita ketika ke Gua Hira. Sebenarnya Ustadz bertindak sebagai mutawif rombongan kami. Di kesempatan ini saya ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kami sekeluarga kepada Ustadz yang telah mengimamkan solat jenazah dan menyempurnakan pengebumian anakanda kami. Hanya Allah yang dapat membalasnya.

Mama ingat sangat gambar ini. Kita sekeluarga baru selesai mengerjakan saie. Bila Hafiz nampak baba botakkan kepala, Hafiz pun nak juga, Tetapi Pak Arab ni tak berani nak cukur habis sebab Hafiz kecil lalgi...tapi Hafiz handsome juga kan sayang....

Ini pula kita dalam perjalanan pulang ke Mekah selepas kita keluar dari Tanah Haram untuk melawat tempat-tempat bersejarah dan berniat mengerjakan umrah. Hafiz pun nak juga pakai kain ihram, macam orang lain....

Syukur, Alhamdulilah. Kau kurniakan daku dengan seorang anak lelaki yang sangat comel dan baik budi pekertinya. Sepanjang menjaganya, tidak pernah sekalipun dia menyusahkan kami. Malah ketika mengerjakan umrah, Hafiz tidak meragam langsung. Kemana saja kami pergi dia ikut dengan riang. Hafiz juga murah rezekinya. Mama ingat setiap kali Hafiz tengok-tengok barang jualan di Mekah dan Madinah, insya Allah, apa yang Hafiz hendak akan diberikan secara percuma.

Inilah gambar yang paling mama sayang. Kita baru balik dari melawat Jabal Rahmah, dimana Hafiz dihadiahkan unta mainan tersebut oleh Ustadz Bardulamin. Seronok sangat Hafiz bersiap-siap untuk ikut mama dan baba mengerjakan ibadah umrah di Masjidil Haram.

Di Madinah kita melawat kebun dan pasar kurma. Hafiz sibuk ingatkan mama untuk belikan cokelat dan kurma untuk kakak2 dan kawan2 Hafiz.

Hafizuddin di dalam Masjid Nabawi. Syukur ke hadrat Illahi, Hafizuddin dapat masuk ke kawasan Makam Rasullulah, ketika mengikut baba. Kalau dengan mama, mungkin susah sikit, sebab waktu untuk wanita sangat terhad dan berpusu-pusu ramainya ....

Gambar dua lelaki penting dalam hidup mama. Hafiz dan baba di depan Masjid Nabawi.

Sayang mama pada Hafiz tak pernah hilang, biarpun Hafiz tidak lagi bersama mama dan family. Mama tahu Hafiz tentu bahagia di sana..Amin.

Mama melayan Hafiz di dalam kapal terbang. Rindunya mama....tak dapat nak peluk Hafiz lagi. Mama sabar menanti sehingga kita dipertemukan lagi...di alam yang kekal abadi.....

Anak mama yang seorang ini makan memang boleh tahan. Berselera Hafiz makan.

Sebelum bertolak, di KLIA. Mama janji pada anak-anak mama yang lain, Ayesha Aqilah, Ayesha Syahira, Ayesha Hanis dan Ayesha Nadilah....mama akan bawa anak-anak semua menunaikan umrah, itu pesan Hafiz pada mama, supaya kakak-kakaknya dapat kesempatan melalui nikmat yang pernah dilaluinya...

Begitulah Hafizuddin, sentiasa ingat pada orang lain. Kalau berjalan atau makan, ada saja nama yang disebut2, beli ini untuk kakak ini, kakak tu, kawan yang ini, jiran yang itu, nenek, atuk, acik, arif, awin dan ramai lagi. Kalau boleh semua orang dia nak belikan sesuatu.