PENANG TRIP - May 2008

Penang....here we come....

During my many trips promoting transfer factor, I managed to take my children including Arwah Hafiz to Penang. We drove from Shah Alam in the morning of 27 May and straight to Taman Brown (my aunt's house). As usual, the children including bibik, slept most of the time only waking up for a break at the many R & R along the way. Hafiz was very happy and excited because I promised him a trip to the beach.

We plan to stay at Mak Onem's house, but on our first night in Penang, there was a power failure. Thinking it will only be a short while, we went to Starbucks to kill time, but after a while, we packed our things, and head for the nearest hotel. It was fun, taking the children to the hotel, half sleep and half awake.

Mak Onem took us around the island....we went to the beach, to the shopping mall, enjoying Penang food. Hafiz really enjoyed his stay in Penang, and always reminding me to take him there again....

Sharing some beautiful moments.....Penang May 27, 2008.....

Hafiz..before we start our journey....all set

Bibik dah tidur....what is Hafiz thinking....

Hafiz resting, waiting for mama to check in......

Half asleep, half awake....

Window shopping....ice cream time.....

His dreams come true....spending time on the beach

Enjoying snack....

I love you sayang.....

Beautiful beach of Penang.......

Thank you Mak Onem and family (Uncle Omar, Jasmine, Layla and Junior) for making our trip memorable and fulfilling Hafiz's wish to spend time on the beach.

Keluhan Hati.......

Maha Suci Allah swt. Dengan izinMu, ingin ku kongsi resah di hati ini. Ampunkan dosa ku. Bukan niat untuk mengadu, jauh sekali menyalahkan dugaan dari Mu. Aku redha Ya Allah, aku terima Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.

Aku insan biasa, punya hati dan perasaan. Wanita yang halus emosinya, lembut naluri hatinya...tapi kuat semangatnya. Sedih kehilangan Hafizuddin sudah ku gagahi, tapi perasaan sayang dan rindu tak mungkin akan hilang. Demi Qila, Ira, Anis dan Nadilah, ku lawan kerinduan di jiwa, ku senyum dan tertawa bersama, ku nyanyikan lagu kegirangan bersama, ku layani perasaan anak2 yang ku sayangi.....ku hiburkan suami dan keluarga.

Kekadang...hati terguris dek kegagalan emosi, mata berkaca dek kepenatan jiwa, tangan dan kaki terluka dek kegairahan dunia. Siapa yang tahu? Siapa yang rasa....Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui.

Berdosa ke aku Ya Allah? Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku. Terimalah amal ibadat ku, terimalah taubat ku. Tetapkan aku di jalan mu Ya Allah, jalan yang lurus, jalan yang Kau redhai. Bangkitkan kami sekeluarga dibelakang Rasullulah s.a.w, di dalam saf Baginda. Amin.

Aku cuma ingin di fahami, ingin disayangi, ingin dikenali oleh Mu, Ya Robbana. Keluhan dan kesah di jiwa, biarkan ia mati di hati....hilangkan ketidakpuasan hati, jauhkan dari perasaan benci, titipkan kasih sayang dalam semua ahli keluarga besar ku.

SubhanaAllah, Maha Suci Allah....

Last Outing with Hafiz and Family

Dengan Nama Allah yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang. Selawat dan salam ke atas Nabi Muhammad Rasullulah s.a.w. Asalamualaikum and salam sejahtera.

Hafiz started showing some indications that he is not strong enough by Ramadhan last year. I could see some changes in him. He is not so active and most of the time he complains that he is tired and his heart is beating fast. I knew that he is not well and we have already started making plans to discuss the possibility of the third operation with his doctor. A new medication is given to slower his heart beat and we continue with the transfer factor to enhance his immune system.

I tried to fulfill all his wishes and one of those was a trip to Petrosains...he wanted to see the Dinasour, one of his favorite animal. It turns out to be our last outing with him. It was last December before school reopens. I am sharing some of the wonderful photos of him.

Mama and Hafiz trying the shadow effect...

Hafiz learning something...not sure what...

Bibik....with Hafiz

Trying the magnifying glass...

A happy and satisfied child.....

Peace....and goodbye.....forever.....

We all love you and will always remember you as the joyful...cheeky baby...
WE MISS YOU ....

One of those days...

Don't know what happen...am feeling down...maybe it is the haze...maybe not. Anyway the weather has not been that great for the past few days..and I myself have been travelling up and down...To be frank I am actually very very tired...exhausted....burnt down....

Should I take a break? Yes? No? CONFUSED...

My daughters need me and I need to be there for all of them. My parents need my loving care..., my brothers and sister need me to complete the group...do I need myself...

Subahanallah, apa yang I merapu ni...Ya Allah berikan daku kekuatan untuk menghadapi dugaan mu. Tetapkan daku di jalan Mu Ya Robb. Muga kami dihimpunkan bersama-sama saf Rasullulah s.a.w. Amin...

Masa jaga Arwah dulu..tak pernah rasa penat atau letih pun. Masih dapat mama rasakan memeluk Hafiz....Damailah kau di sana, anaku....

Salam untuk Semua

Asalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera untuk semua. Thousand apologies for the "silence" and the long break that I have to take. I guess it is nearly 2 months since my last posting and almost 6 months since Hafiz left me. I wanted to post something during his birthday, 24th June 2009 but not able to do so. Seems to be losing my strength during that day...and I waited until today.....

24th June 2002, I gave birth to Hafiz at SJMC. I can still remember watching TV while waiting for the gynae and counting the intervals of my labour pain. The Azan for Dzuhur prayer was on tv and I knew the time has come....and Alhamdulilah seconds after azan was over I could hear his first cry....

Subhanallah, my son (I lost my first son 1998) was born...the first grandson in the family....Syukur ke hadrat Illahi. Only Allah knows how happy we were at that time and still are thankful with the gift from Mighty Allah. We named him Mohamed Hafizuddin b. M. Hafifi. A beautiful baby...he will always be my baby....

His first step....after the 2nd heart operation.

My Baby.......

Everybody's baby.....

Hafiz, mama ucapkan selamat menyambut hari ulang tahun mu yang ke 7. Mama tahu Hafiz tentu sedang bergembira di sana. Walaupun Hafiz tiada bersama mama, mama tetap sayang dan rindu pada Hafiz. Mama ingat lagi setiap kali menjelang bulan Jun, Hafiz dah mula fikir2 untuk order cake yang macam mana dan hadiah apa yang Hafiz hendak. Sebulan dua tu kita semua sibuk sekali mencari2 hadiah yang sesuai untuk Hafiz. And your last birthday gift was a bicycle that you wanted so much....and we celebrated your 6th birthday last year, not knowing that this year you will not be around with us anymore....



Ampunkan daku Ya Robbana, Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, Maafkan tangisan2 ku Ya Allah. Bukan aku kesali kematian Hafiz, jauhkah sekali ku tangisi pemergiannya, tidak juga ku marah di duga begini...Aku cuma insan hina, yang kerdil, yang jahil dan tidak punya apa2 kecuali apa yang KAU berikan kepada ku. Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Mujib yang Maha Mengabulkan.

Izinkan aku untuk menyayangi anakku, izinkan aku merinduinya, izinkan mengingatinya...Kau yang Maha Mengetahui, Al Alim. Kasih sayang seorang ibu..tidak kan pernah hilang..Kau jugalah yang memasukan kasih sayang itu kedalam diriku Ya Allah.

Ya Allah, kau gantikanlah rindu dan kasih sayang ku kepada anak ku ini dengan rindu dan kasih sayang yang sepenuhnya kepada mu Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.....Amin.