Remembering Hafizuddin

It is exactly 1 month since you left us. We love you then, we love you now and we will always love you Hafizuddin. Mama has a collection of your photo with your big brother, Haziq. I am putting it up today, knowing how much you adore him.

WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.....

Asalamualaikum Hafiz. Hari ini mama pergi melawat kuburan Hafiz. Sayang, ingatkan kawan mama, aunty Fajar, semalam abang ipar dia meninggal, dan hari ini dikebumikan di Tanah Perkuburan yang sama. Mama singgah di kuburan Hafiz, sebelum mama berjumpa dengan mereka tadi. Rindu betul mama dengan Hafiz, sekarang pun air mata mama.....tak henti2 mengalir. Ya Allah, kuatkan lah hati ku, tetapkan lah iman ku dalam menempuhi dugaan Mu ini.

Maafkan mama sayang, bukan mama tak redha dengan pemergian Hafiz, bukan mama tak redha dengan ketentuan Illahi. Tapi yang pasti, kerinduan mama pada Hafiz semakin menebal...

Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku Ya Allah, terima lah taubat ku Ya Rahim, aku redha dengan ketentuan Mu Illahi, aku pasrah dengan qada dan qadar Mu. Aku bersyukur pada Mu, Ya Rahman, selama 6 tahun, 6 bulan dan 7 hari, aku dapat bersama anak ku, aku puas dapat memenuhi tuntutan Mu menyusukannya, aku bangga dapat menjalankan kewajipan ku sebagai ibu, ketika dia memerlukan aku, ketika dia sakit, ketika dia letih dan aku gembira dapat melepaskan Hafiz pulang kepada mu Ya Rabb,,,,,,Kau terimalah Hafiz dan tempatkan lah dia di Jannah Mu. Amin.

Hari-hari yang mama lalui tanpa Hafiz, memang sangat memilukan. Belum puas rasanya mama bersama Fifiz, banyak lagi yang mama ingin lakukan bersama-sama Hafiz. Walaupun sebulan sebelum Fifiz pergi, mama cuba untuk penuhi segala keinginan mu sayang.

Can you remember sayang, how we rush to Toy R us to buy toys, especially your favourite...Ben 10, Power Rangers and Transformers. I am still keeping all your toys sayang, too difficult for me to put it away...sometimes I still see you playing with your toys....

I can still remember, one of your favourite remarks to me...'Mama, ibu yang terhebat di dunia, Hafiz sayang mama infinity...." I swear to Allah, I sometimes hear your voice saying it slowly to me....Hafiz....I MISS YOU FIZ, I MISS YOU FIZ,......I REALLY MISS YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

Hafiz dear, if I have failed as a mother, if there is a moment in your life that I have failed to make you happy, if I have not been able to fulfill your wish, please forgive me...I might have overlooked certain things, but as a mother I have tried my very best to make the most of our time together. I LOVE YOU DEARLY...as much as I love the rest of the family.

Bye sayang...sehingga kita dipertemukan ...akhirnya.

Hafiz dalam kenangan

Syukur Alhamdulilah, finally I am able to continue my blog. Not so much of being busy but more on emotionally unstable. It is already 24 days since Hafizuddin was put to rest, but I am still missing him and the feeling is eating me up day by day. It is very difficult the explain the feeling, I guess only those who has gone through it will be able to understand....

Anyway, I would like to continue the list of friends who were there with us from the start.....Fezah, Norly, Along and Taro from my ITM days, En. Rosebi, Kak Ani, Haziq, Anil and fiancee. Aunty Noy and Uncle Dol sekeluarga, Aunty Bardot, Aunty Ani, Mak Gayah and Chah, Aunty Nab fm Keramat, Hanan and family (Hafiz and Mamal attended pre school together), Najwa and Sahlan, Azali and parents who came all the way from Ipoh, Teacher Ida (Hafiz's teacher during pre school) all the way from Kuantan. Teacher Yusra and friends from Al-Ikhlas Cambridge. Puan Noraizah and husband.

Neighbours, Ros sekeluarga, Sarina sekeluarga, Razif sekeluarga, Norazah sekeluarga, Kak Kiah and Abang Mat sekeluarga, Kak Zu, Soraya and Suffian, Kak Sabariah sekeluarga, Kak Shimah sekeluarga and Ishak and family next door. Kak Jem, Normah, Pak Ya, Ana dan En. Zaini and everybody from Seksyen 19, Shah Alam.

To friends of my daughters, Aqilah's friends from UiTM, Syahirah's friends, Mariam and the others from Shah Alam and PJ, Anis's friends...thank you.

To those who I have missed, please forgive me.... I am still not myself...some faces came to mind but I could not remember their names, some came to see me personally, some do not and I knew they are those who are still trying to gain the courage to call and talk to me. All of you have been wonderful and no words could express my gratititude....Semuga Allah membalas segala jasa baik dan doa kalian dengan limpahan rahmat dariNYA.

PERMATA -PERMATA HATI MAMA

Anak2 di Hari Raya 2008

Asalamuaikum Hafizuddin. Semuga Fifiz mama bahagia di sana. Hari ini mama bawa baba pergi check up kat IJN. Mama nampak ramai anak2 kecil yang sakit macam Hafiz. Teringat mama pada Hafiz dan hari-hari yang kita di Gleneagles untuk rawatan Fifiz. Alhamdulilah, mama bersyukur kepada Allah, kita diberikan rezeki dan kemudahan untuk mendapatkan rawatan dalam keadaan selesa, selama ini. Hafiz pun seronok kalau mama cakap kita akan berjumpa dengan Dr. Lim kan. Setiap kali ke sana, mama akan hadiahkan mainan untuk Hafiz kan sayang. Bahagia mama bila nampak Hafiz seronok dan ceria, lebih-lebih lagi kalau kita sempat makan di restoran, makan meehon goreng kesukaan Hafiz.

Hafiz memang anak yang baik, selama 6 tahun lebih, Hafiz tidak pernah menyusahkan mama. Suruh makan ubat sangat senang, walaupun terpaksa makan lebih dari 3 jenis ubat 3 kali sehari. Bila dan besar sikit, mama cuma perlu put the correct dosage into the syringe and you will take it yourself. I am so proud of you sayang.

Maaflah sayang, mama tak dapat nak tulis banyak hari ini...Tiba-tiba sebak sangat. MAMA SAYANG HAFIZ......DAN MUHAMAD. (Abg Hafiz yang mama tak dapat nak peluk pun, dia pergi meninggalkan mama, sebelum sempat mama lahirkan dia ke dunia ini.) Berbahagia lah kalain berdua di JANNAH.

Day 19

Asalamualaikum Hafiz. Malam tadi mama rasa sangat sunyi tanpa Hafiz di sisi mama. Sejak Hafiz lahir ke dunia pada 24 Jun 2002 yang lalu, kita jarang sekali berpisah. Hanya bila mama ada keperluan yang tersangat penting, baru mama tinggalkan Hafiz di rumah dengan kakak-kakak dan bibik. Paling lama mama tinggalkan Hafiz selama 51 hari ketika mama dan baba pergi menunaikan haji 2007 yang lalu.

Ketika Hafiz disahkan mengidap beberapa heart defects, mama sering berdoa agar Allah berikan yang terbaik buat Hafiz. Mama redha dengan ketentuan Illahi. Mama tahu, Hafiz sangatlah fragile dan mudah mendapat sakit, sebab itu lah anti-biotics dan steroid perlu Hafiz ambil setiap hari. Mama berdoa agar mama sentiasa sihat dan berkemampuan untuk menyusukan Hafiz. Alhamdulilah hampir 4 tahun mama mampu menyusukan Hafiz.

Bahagia mama dapat peluk Hafiz setiap hari. Mama belai rambut Hafiz, mama cium muka Hafiz. Bila Hafiz operate masa umur 2 hari, Allah sahaja yang tahu bimbangnya mama. Kemudian umur Hafiz 18 bulan lagi sekali mama di uji. Kali ini Hafiz kena buat open heart operation pulak. Subhanallah, bimbang sungguh mama. Tapi Hafiz sangat kuat, cekal dan berani. Kuat semangat Hafiz untuk terus bersama mama dan keluarga.

Hafiz ingat tak, bila Hafiz tak sihat, mama akan dukung dan dodoi kan Hafiz. Mama jalan-jalan dalam bilik sampai Hafiz tertidur atas dada mama. Sampai pagi mama akan peluk Hafiz. Ini yang mama sangat-sangat rindukan Hafiz. Mama betul-betul rindu Hafiz. Bye sayang, semuga Hafiz damai di Jannah Allah. Wasalam

My Beloved Hafizuddin

Today 18th February 2009. It has been 18 days since I last saw my son, Mohamad Hafizuddin, who left me on 31st. January 2009, bersamaan 4 Safar 1430H at about 4.20pm. Hafiz sayang, mama rindu sangat dengan Hafiz.......

The above photo was taken in 2006 when we took him to perform Umrah. It was taken infront of Masjid Nabi di Madinah, setelah selesai solat subuh. Hafiz memang seronok di Madinah dan Mekah. Alhamdulilah, mama dah dapat sampaikan hajat Hafiz untuk dapat berada di bumi barakah, Mekah dan Madinah.

I have alot to share, dan doakan Allah memberi kekuatan kepada saya untuk terus berkongsi pengalaman membesarkan anak yang sungguh istimewa ini.

Insya Allah, I will relate to you my experiences taking care of him, who was born on 24th June 2002 with heart defects, known as right isomeric heart. He left us at the age ogf 6 years, 6 months, 7 days due to heart failure.

To those who was with us during the difficult times at the hospital and during the funeral, thank you so much for the support. Ramai kawan-kawan yang datang untuk berkongsi kesedihan kami sekeluarga. Terima kasih di atas kata2 perangsang dan doa yang diberikan.

Terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kepada semua jiran-jiran di jalan biduk, dan kariah Masjid Ubudiah, Seksyen 19. Saudara mara, cousins and nephews, aunties and uncles and also to our friends:

Dato' Fatmi, Dato' Al Amin and Datin Noraini, Dato' Nazri and Datin, Dato Rahim and Toh Puan, Dato' Bakar Hamid, Datuk Samad Maharuddin, Rocky, Tiger, Meor, Syed Anuar, Ishak Nekngah and Aishah, Jamie, Hani, Badrul and Hazeey, Kak Zah and Abg Aziz, Dr. Anas and Rozana, Ustadz Badrul Amin, Haji Ilyan and wife, Ida, Kak Sal, Afifah and husband, Izhar and Misriah, Lan and Dila, Hjh Zaiton, Hjh Sharifah and family, Feezah, Along, Zaidah and Adenan, James Rowe, Haji Masran and Hajjah, Setakat ini saja, sebak rasanya.....akan update lagi senarai mereka2 yang datang.